Seedling
In my skin,
You planted just a tiny seed.
I’ll tend to it’s needs.
I’ll watch it grow.
I’ll cultivate a wild garden,
With you at it’s root.
Wearing My Past
I wrote a letter to the rain,
Asking to cleanse my muddled past…
I received no reply.
So it clings,
like a threadbare coat,
cloaking my every intention.
Silent Articulation
Do not attach yourself.
My body is composed of wishbones,
My heart is a glass mosaic,
In physical form I am weak,
Delicate,
Fragile.
Rather come to me in silent articulation.
For my spirit is robust.
My soul,
Worthy of your tending.
Fire Proof Box
Ablaze with passion,
Contained.
Does anyone see within?
My presence speaks of normality,
Yet my glassy eyes,
Wavering voice,
And clenched hands tell of the depths.
An unseen soul,
Locked within perceptions,
Alternate versions of a singular being.
None,
Accurate.
Letting Go
Grasping on to glimpses of my unruly youth,
Not yet secure enough to set them free.
Glancing back at the whispers of whom I used to be,
Frightened of the reflection I now perceive.
Residence
Smoke screens and mirrors.
Is anything real?
My soul bangs away at it’s cage…
For it knows where realness resides.
Weights And Wings
There is a weight I carry,
Vast and relentless,
It’s restraint unyielding.
My soul has yet to buckle under pressure,
But it comes close,
The debauchery of the present excessive,
Mankind discounting it’s true nature.
At these times,
I look toward nature.
Wildflowers breaking through cement.
A bird’s nest wrapped around a telephone pole.
I take witness to nature’s finesse,
An ability to grow despite environment.
I draw this knowledge in,
Spread my soul’s wings,
And attempt to fly.
To Be Heard
Where is justice?
Weight of her scales bowed too heavily to one side,
Hands shaking from high pressure,
Is she holding on with everything she possesses knowing justice must prevail?
Awaiting a consciousness destined to set her free,
How much longer can she hold on?
Writhing in agony,
Her weight of duty grows heavier.
Longing only,
To be heard.
Temerity
Voice.
Muffled.
Held captive by parameters set outside ourselves.
Longing to speak,
I yank profusely at restraints,
Binding designed to separate,
Ties constructed to isolate.
I feel reciprocated motion,
A whisper through the seclusion,
Announcing a connection they cannot sever.
My temerity in the darkness.
Analogy
Bowl of cornflakes,
Yellow haired and flaky,
Too much added…and I turn to mush.
This analogy,
How the world sees me.
Thin skinned and overemotional.
The truth lies beneath the surface in which they wade,
Depths demanding exploration,
Undertows capable of drowning the unprepared.
I am an ocean.
Each drop an abyss.
Wild currents that ebb and flow.
The only flake to be seen a snowflake,
Produced from inner storms,
Emotion of spirit made precipitous.
My snowflakes of soul.
Opus
I have a roman candle for a heart.
Exploding with fierce intensity,
In rapid succession.
Every burst carries an opus upwards,
Towards the brilliant sky.
Showering down,
Like heartbeats.
Cascading,
Into all,
Daring enough to look.
Thunderstorm Of Soul
Lightening crashes in the distance,
An electric heartbeat…
Thunderstorm of soul.
The air thick with intention,
I laggardly inhale,
Hoping to bend the sharp angles of volition.
Point On The Horizon
I am not running.
I am choosing.
Taking a stand.
Bracing against the tide.
No longer afraid of the undertow,
I set my sights to a point on the horizon.
A longed for destination.
Where dreams ripen to fruition.
An alternate reality I choose to make my own.
Weaver Wanted:
Weaver wanted.
Thread the light into my dark tapestry of soul.
Set me afire.
Ablaze in beauty.
Aglow through the light of your love.
June 1992
Will I really ever defriend my demons?
Let go of the haunting?
Complete the presently vacant outline?
Evolve into a sense of wholeness?
Conundrum
Questions without answers,
Lost in a state of perpetual wonderment,
Yet I know the answer always lies within the question.
Sugar Coated
Your sweetness remains,
I’m sugar coated.
Forever encased,
I long for your words.
Your sugar tongue,
My ultimate addiction.
The {S} Word
Permeated with {s}ound.
Totality defunct.
If there’s {s}ilence anywhere,
Let me hear myself again.
Luminary Guide
Been fading for so long,
I’m lost completely.
What will switch me on again?
So inner illumine can form an outline,
Transforming darkness into light?
My luminary guide,
Leading me back,
Towards myself.
Winter’s Discovery
You were my (500) days of summer.
My nonexistent dream.
I am letting you go.
Finally grasping ahold of reality.
Discarding the haze.
Stepping toward newfound clarity.
I am moving on,
Eager with possibility’s discovery,
Comforted,
Through the peace now engulfing me.
Talking To Walls
Spent some time talking to walls.
Concrete,
Brick,
Human are all the same.
Absorbing all meaning.
Never reciprocating emotion.
Leaving me wanting,
Haunted,
And forlorn.
Bellows
Inside,
I stir.
Awakened by the fire in your words.
I search.
Not for water,
Not for escape,
Yet rather a bellows,
To burst ember into flame.
Use me as kindling.
I wish to be ablaze.
Incandescent.
Sweltering in the light of your presence.
Deliverance
Lost.
I am lost in the middle of an avalanche.
Debris gaining momentum,
Overtaking me.
Suffocating,
I wrap my arms around my throbbing heart,
duck my feeble head,
hold my fleeting breath,
and hope for deliverance.
Serenade
Before,
And after,
Snapshots of a life affected.
Fumbling,
I attempt to write what I cannot say.
Lodged inside like a log between rocks in the spring thaw.
I await the collection,
To build a dam,
Creating safe passage for these feelings begging to escape.
Bridging,
The abyss that’s formed between us.
Presence
Alone.
I watch the snow fall silently out my window,
Waiting for the blizzard to ease the loneliness within.
Awash in whiteness,
I begin anew.
Brimming with possibility,
Basking in the knowledge I have always been whole,
Desiring still,
Your presence.
City Skyline
I have so much to say to you,
Sharp,
Momentous,
Threatening to burst forth from expansion,
It remains lodged in my chest like a skyscraper,
Turning my chest into a city skyline,
Ablaze with the light of you.
Affliction
Solitary.
Withstanding all silence,
I wearily stand to face the darkness.
Innately I know all facets evolve,
Anticipation for the light,
Delivering me,
From affliction.
Glassblower
I don’t want what’s not mine,
Yet I yearn.
An ember burns,
Glowing through the darkness,
Reminding me of the light.
You have taken up residence like a glassblower employing fire to your will.
Car Wreck
Mind tangled in metal.
Heart through the windshield.
Intent splayed across boundaries like broken glass.
Haphazardly events led me here,
Moment of unravel.
Disruption of normalcy.
Car wreck of the soul.
Musings of Cloudwalking
Sweet melody on tip of tongue,
Bursting forth.
Harmonizing.
If only in the mind.
I dance here amongst the notes,
Soul stirring.
Relentless.
Moved beyond boundaries.
It is here I thrive,
Amplified,
Like my wildly vivid dreams.
Soul Tattoo
Creative force afire.
Soul drenched with inspiration.
Contact and physical form unrequired.
Your presence lingers here amongst currents of soul,
Your imprint’s permanently etched upon it’s gaunt skin.
You are my soul tattoo.
Permanent bond that breathes new life.
Forever altering my reality.
Soulmate
Longing overwhelms this immure heart,
Seeping through the grout lines of the mosaic that was once whole.
Emotion coalesces with being,
Exigency overrules intent,
Morphing the solitary into the convivial.
Unrecognizable,
I stand before you unadorned with familiarity,
Pleading for your consent,
To carry you inward.
War Torn Heart
My heart is caged within this chest like a prisoner of war.
Beaten,
Bloody,
And bruised.
Tortured for it’s secrets not yet exposed.
I await resolution,
Conflict reconciled to tranquillity,
Reinforcements deployed to collect my war torn heart and return it home.
Freedom
Why can’t you materialize?
Stop this battle in my head?
Your reality would set me free,
A touch to calm this unyielding ache.
Free me.
Disjoint
I do not fit into this world.
Byzantine curves of selfhood repel the harsh angles of belonging.
I exist in a state of solitary confinement,
Separate and undiscovered.
The estranged daughter of humanity silently pleading for understanding.
Within
I am an ever changing current.
A river that floods the washes in the spring.
I change the landscape around me unknowingly.
I have evolved from my trickle,
Filled with winter’s run off,
Overflowing with the new abundance of the universe.
My soul has patiently awaited precipitation to wash away old foundations,
Knowing one must begin at the core,
The true nature found within.
The Calling
You’re calling out to me,
Although you’re unaware.
I feel the answers you are seeking reside within me.
Scattered bits and pieces are all I possess of you,
Yet these pieces discover more of me than anyone else before.
How do I heed your calling?
How do I bridge the enormous unknowns between us?
How do I convince myself I deserve you?
Personal Arsenic
The past which comes along with me is not an easy pill to swallow.
It chokes all who attempt it.
My personal arsenic.
No one is immune.
Alter Ego
Of all I love and hate,
Your existence is the cornerstone.
Purgatory
I am a restless spirit,
Knowing exactly where I belong,
Not yet allowed to reside there.
I am contained in a state of limbo…
My previous lifestyle no longer an option,
My future not presently obtainable.
Alternate Me
I long to be the color of pleasure,
To radiate an aura of self contentment.
I long to possess a boisterous spirit,
To empower the curiosity found in outsiders.
I long…
Long to create…
An alternate me.
Rain Dance
A watery cadence ensues,
Residing in the air surrounding me.
Saturation made audible.
Melody…
Culmination of spirit.
Crescendos of thunder accentuate song.
I dance amongst the notes,
Washing clean the tarnish of living.
Remnants Of Soul
Collecting battle scars from a war I did not wage,
Critical mass a minefield awaiting decommission.
Random pieces of self disseminate like particles,
Each one slowly dissipates into oblivion.
Recollections of a former outline torment me,
Creating etches upon gaunt skin like fragile paper.
Purpose,
Duty,
Yearning unfinished.
I wearily carry on,
Solitarily clutching hope.
The Power Of Choice
Choices,
Your existence my saving grace.
Suffering eases.
Opportunity knocks.
Change ushers in as a new dawn breaks.
You have rescued me from myself,
Instigating rebirth within a barren soulscape.
How I Learned To See In The Dark
You walk into the room and my atmosphere changes,
Dismal blues dissolve within the presence of your light.
My eyes grasp at your beauty as my soul fills with longing,
Your radiance enraptures with totality.
You have materialized,
My long awaited spirit,
Delivered to me as a lighthouse,
Incandescent amongst deep waters.
Intimate Correspondence In The Height Of Summer
I am exposed.
My inner world draped across my flesh like a massive cloak.
Covering all normalcy.
Asking The Serious Questions
I reach out in uncertainty,
Vast emptiness reaches back,
I have become skilled in the lack of reciprocity,
A solitary front withstanding all silence.
Alone
I’ve known alone.
She’s like an old familiar friend.
She’s a double edged sword which keeps me on guard.
Expedition
My inner life,
The wilderness where the streets end.
Undiscovered,
Treacherous,
Seeking an explorer longing for an expedition.
Are You Listening?
If you searched the ocean bed you would find my sword,
For I tossed it in the depths at the conclusion of my war.
Determined to live in peace,
I let the heaviness of battle sink,
Into the blue,
Tarnishing the sharpness,
Cleansing the remnants of combat.
The birds of peace sing their melody,
I now sing in harmony,
Are you listening?
Before It Breaks
Say something,
Anything,
Take and breath and form the words.
Don’t worry about placing your shaky hands in your pockets;
As you don’t want to break all the delicates.
Your voice will shatter them all.
So say something,
Anything,
Be free to let your inner world out.
Don’t worry about the aftermath,
It is a safe harbor here.
Whatever delicates break in the expression,
Were not yours to care for.
Wayward Woman
My father took on a child at 18.
Never gave it a second thought.
He loved my mother,
And I was a part of her,
So I became his own.
Through all the peaks and valleys,
He never left.
Steadfast and true,
I know what love is,
Because of you.
My friend took on a battle,
Never asking for anything in return.
He loves me,
And the war is a part of me,
So it became his own.
Through all the joys and heartaches,
He never folded.
Steadfast and true,
I know what love is,
Because of you.
For all the damage man has placed upon this skin,
It takes strong men to overcome.
Your love pulled me through the darkness,
Offering me hope,
Showing me there is a way for me to be respected,
Adored,
Loved.
Your strength of character your greatest asset.
Pulling this wayward woman home.
Sea Me
My eyes are a lonely shade of blue.
Deep like the ocean waters,
Just as volatile.
Currents frequent the depths,
Pleading for someone to swim within them.
The ache overflows the shoreline,
Often flowing down my cheek.
Sea Me.
Human Mirror
Today I looked into a human mirror.
Eyes aching,
Smile pressed,
Joy taken by force from an unexpected man.
Although separated by decades,
We are the same.
Another woman’s face became my own.
I Am From
I am from oceans deep and rolling plains.
I am from white tipped mountain peaks and grand canyons.
I am from rule makers and unapologetic rebels.
I am from love,
Unaccepting of boundary,
Extremes traversed with ease.
Totality
Pieces.
So many people,
Take their piece of me,
And create their total picture.
I long for,
Honest,
All encompassing,
Totality.
“Freedom”
You fought for freedom,
An ideal long since cloaked in greed.
I do not feel free.
I feel encaged.
Choices made by an outside force who refuses to acknowledge my humanity.
Freedom for some is not freedom for all.
Battlefield
I escaped from hell with a pen for a sword,
Words were my chosen weapons,
Heat seeking missiles locked and loaded from my tongue,
Thoughts carefully executed blueprints of war,
My mind a battlefield.
Both Sides And Everything In Between
I am a night sky city,
I am 4th of July fireworks.
I am a mountain whiteout,
I am a desert mirage.
I am a coffee table picture book,
I am a 333 page philosophy dissertation.
I am a meandering ocean shoreline,
I am a pinpoint on the horizon.
I am a full capacity stadium roar,
I am a silent picture movie.
For every piece of me there is an opposite,
You’ll find I am both sides,
And everything in between.
Mind’s Inspiration
I am not looking for my mirror’s image,
A reflection I recognize.
I am not ruled by my sight.
Instead I long for my mind’s inspiration,
Thoughts challenging my mirror image,
Creating growth.
Thoughts On Exhaustion
A line divided:
Before and after.
Comfort and pain.
No solace arrives from my solitude,
No respite derives from my slumber.
The trauma devours all normalcy.
Yet,
I fight.
Steadfast and weary,
I draw my sword.
I refuse to be another figure,
In your statistic.
A Character Study
She was a tender soul that craved a tender touch and a deep understanding.
Her passion matched only by midnight conversations.
A sucker for a fisherman’s sweater or the dapperly dressed.
She possesses a sweet tooth and a taste for ethnic food except Ethiopian (she doesn’t enjoy their bread).
Tall for her gender, but her voice is low.
She has never turned down a cup of tea or a slice of tuxedo mousse cake.
Loves reading philosophy, discovering obscure arthouse films and collecting gnomes.
Her spirit animal is a bee.
Her favorite color is persimmon, but few seem to know what that is.
She longs for connection, the sea and a pair of pants that fit properly.
Lover of words and travel.
Books have been some of her best friends.
She relishes solitude and musical lyrics that make her feel understood.
To her there is nothing better than freshly shaved legs under clean sheets, the smell of pine after the rain or a horizon bursting forth with the evenings colors.
A water nymph who struggles to walk on land.
She is the perfect dichotomy of clumsy and graceful.
She loves with her soul and lives by her heart.
Memorized Prayer
Bundled back on snow,
Gazing up to the vastness of the sky above,
Engaged in a full conversation,
Held entirely within an inquisitive soul.
Through trauma and love I survived here,
The inner landscape I memorized like a prayer.
Was this why I recognized you when we first met?
You a long awaited visualization,
The long standing conversation we have been engaged in since childhood.
Our souls are old friends.
We question the world,
Critically analyzing it’s pieces.
Simultaneously knowing we represent two sides of the same piece.
When we met all that was left was for our eyes to catch up.
When you first kissed me you set a trap.
Lips honeyed as our lifetime connection.
I tumbled in and have lacked any inclination to be set free.
I am home here.
Between your arms,
Your every heartbeat a cadence I feel directly in my chest,
A love ballad bouncing between souls,
Proclaiming you have always been a part of me.
The peace felt here,
Engulfed in tangled limbs,
Only matched by the quiet conversations under the sky in childhood.
Proof it was you,
The deepest part of me,
I have always resonated with.
You,
My internal abyss from which the answers always rise,
You,
Who harbors my memorized prayer,
The piece of me I know now is also,
You.
Example
Justice does not exist for a woman like me,
An amalgamation of everything I have done wrong and everything I’ve had done to me.
All they see is the physicalities,
Not the depths.
All they taste is the greed of possibilities money provides,
Not the greater good of humanity.
All they hear are their own ideologies,
Not the consciousness of the whole.
I choose what they cannot fathom,
Living in adjunct to my consciousness,
Exercising ethical judgement.
My sacrifices now aimed at rectifying past atrocities,
Delivering peace,
Setting an example.
I think of the future,
And the kind of world,
I’d be proud to leave.
Acoustic Cover
If my life were music genre,
I’d place myself in alternative,
Outside the mainstream,
Edgy and raw.
But when I look in the mirror I find the acoustic cover,
Edges softened,
Mellow and profound,
For my true self is looking back at me.
Tall Order
I’d like a sense of humor,
Dryer the better.
Someone who does what they say,
And says what they do.
I’d like a tender romantic,
Filled with depth and compassion.
Someone adventurous,
Engaged in personal growth,
Shedding skins with each improvement.
I’d like integrity,
Respect for me,
Themselves,
And others.
Someone I can trust with all life’s challenges,
Whether we are winning or losing.
I’d like a virtuous intent,
Not the better than everyone type,
But rather the need to live by what feels ethical and right.
Someone I can trust,
Who trusts me.
The perfect order to win my heart.
A tall one.
But I am hopeful,
And full of faith.
The Initiative
Born a little soon,
Despite arriving late.
Brought into the dogma of the past,
Believing in the awareness of the future.
I live in a world I do not understand.
Demanding truth.
Longing for justice.
My present state of limbo,
Unthinkable,
Yet reality.
Free me from the chains of perception.
Breathe life into this exhausted spirit.
Deliver home to my wayward soul.
Make the world I reside in,
Comprehend,
And take,
The initiative.
Honey Of The B 